Parenting IS hard. There's no way to avoid this reality.

This may NOT be the news you want to hear. But I hope that it normalizes your experience.

Parents do need breaks from their children at times. Nobody can handle being around ANY other person ALL of the time, and the parent/child relationship is no different.

Sometimes people feel intimidated about homeschooling because of the amount of time they will “have” to spend with their children. You may think to yourself, “What am I going to DO with them?!?!”

Once you ease out of the mentality of them being away from you most of the time, you will find your lifestyle will relax, and your children will find things to do. They will learn how to entertain themselves more, they will discover subjects, hobbies, and activities they really enjoy – perhaps things they never would have discovered without the TIME to explore and expand their activities.

Yes, you will have provide opportunities for this to happen – scheduling play dates, finding extra activities or equipment or classes that allow them to explore new relationships, skills, and talents.

But I can guarantee you that this effort will enhance not only your children’s experiences, but also YOUR relationship with your children. When you watch them take control over their lives, stretching themselves, and integrating INTO the world, it is SO rewarding! I cannot emphasize this enough!

This enlarged relationship with your children takes some of the “edge” off of spending so much time with them.

And when your entire family no longer revolves around constant transitions from being in “parent and child” mode to “released from parent and child” mode, your family can bond and become more cohesive.

How destructive is it for parents and children to constantly move between not having to “be” in the parent and child mode?

Do parents need breaks from their children? YES!

But these breaks do NOT need to be for 7 hours every day, 5 days each week, 180 days each year. That it too much, and it undermines the critical parent/child bond.

We have enough factors that are pulling parents and children apart. Education should NOT be one of those factors!

The worst part about public education is that it produces generations of people who feel ill equipped to do the most basic thing – educate their children.

As I’ve said in prior posts, yes, homeschooling is a lifestyle. For some people the transition is easy. For others, it’s tough.

But more than a lifestyle, home education is a personal growth exercise. Learning how to manage your children’s learning styles along with your preferences for curriculum is challenging.

Mothers have a tendency to “need” to impose their will on children who “won’t” learn. This is SO damaging!

Successful homeschooling parents learn to relax, which is VERY tough for people to wrap their heads around. As instructors, parents MUST realize that they are NOT teachers, but rather facilitators. If you think your job is to make your children learn something on YOUR time schedule, then you have more work to do embracing the major advantage of homeschooling: flexibility.

As much as I want to know that YOU are homeschooling, there is no way I can convince you that the lifestyle change is worth it. Homeschooling is an intensely personal issue.

It cuts to the core of our self-concept. “Am I smart enough, do I have enough patience, am I organized enough…”

The list of self criticism goes on and on…..

Which means that maybe you hold back from homeschooling because of YOUR personal issues, not because you don’t really WANT to.

Are you smart enough? Yes. I guarantee that the teachers in schools, for the most part, are not smarter than you. They have taken classes to learn how to manage classroom behavior – but they do NOT know your child, they do NOT love your child…..and their degree of commitment to your child can NEVER match yours! They only have your child for one year. You have them for a lifetime and you CARE about that lifetime.

Is it worthwhile to tackle those personal issues, to find ways to resolve them for the sake of your family?

Can you imagine the power of showing your children how to overcome obstacles to do something really important to you? Do you see the kind of message that sends to your children?

People will always be riddled with self-doubt. But when the future of your family is at stake, could THIS be the time to confront and overcome?

If this doesn’t create that drive in you, what will?

While the rest of the world is getting back into the groove, we are just continuing along our path of learning and living as a family in this great big world of ours!

I figured this might be a good time to give you an idea of what our daily life looks like as a homeschooling family. Not only do we homeschool, but I run a home based business as well. Here’s just a sample of how we make it all work together….

Wake up at 6 AM – workout for me (I’m in the 5th week of P90X, God help me)

Boys up around 7 or 7:15, showers, get ready for the day.

8:00 – help 11 year old with math (review of metric conversions and Roman numerals) while 15 yo ds starts his Economics work.

8:30 Read aloud with both boys (reading The Real George Washington and the book of Romans) Discuss more character issues and Paul’s thoughts on living as a Christian.

9:30 – 11 yo ds reviews his Greek alphabet (his Latin class starts on Thursday, and his Greek class starts on Monday), 15 yo ds goes down to work out (weights and running)

9:45 – work with 11 yo ds on history. Starting back around on the ancients (we study history chronologically, and made it through WW II last year)

10:00 – still working on history, 15 yo ds eats lunch (he tends to skip breakfast….don’t get me started….!) 11 yo ds working on identifying main points in a passage about the Fertile Crescent area. Practicing note taking, will progress to outlining as the year moves along.

10:30 – 11 yo ds works on Geography (GREAT website, SheppardSoftware.com has incredible FREE games to play with all kinds of subjects – we use this extensively for geography); 15 yo ds moves to chemistry

11:00 – 11 yo ds eats lunch, then we get ready for an eye doctor appointment. Older son continues with chemistry through the morning.

12:00 – we return from the appointment, work on organizing the bathroom now that both boys wear contact lenses. The boys take the dogs for a walk. I eat lunch

1:10 – leave for tae kwon do class – sit in Panera doing work during their class

3:00 – client call while 11 yo ds plays and 15 yo ds does more chemistry (he has lots to do!)

4:15 – leave to buy new shoes for the boys.

5:30 – home, arrange quick dinner.

6:15 – I work on new webinar offering, start to plan out the rest of the fall.

Boys connect with friends, then come home and putter around the house.

8:00 – my second client call of the day.

9:30 – bedtime for mom, boys stay up until about 10.

Throughout the day, I check emails, respond to clients who have questions/concerns.

That pretty much sums up this day. It was relatively quiet, not as much running around as we have on other days….I’ll post the schedule of other days so you can have an idea….

Question? What do you think?

The state of Texas is looking into data from 2008, indicating an increase of 2.4% of high schoolers withdrew into homeschooling. Essentially, the state is concerned that the public schools are masking high school drops outs as “homeschoolers.”

If students ARE dropping out, it’s likely that the system was not meeting their needs. Why keep students imprisoned in the ONE place that THEY KNOW does not work for them? If they can’t be roped into appreciating public education by high school, it will NOT happen during high school.

I’m not in favor of deceptive reporting. But I AM trying to push the message that maybe schools KNOW their students are not being adequately served. And they don’t want to be penalized for it.

Or maybe tons of parents are “waking up” to the realization that public education in its current state is a failed program….

But what about cyber schooling as an option?

I often get the question, “What do you think about cyber schooling?”

For those who don’t know, most states have an option for public school students to learn at home via the internet. This is referred to as “cyber schooling,” and in many states (like my state of Pennsylvania), the school district pays for the tuition for the educational service being used. They also often pay for the computer, printer, and even INTERNET SERVICE that is required for cyber schooling.

To many, this option sounds ideal – the school district (meaning the tax payers) bear the brunt of the fiscal burden (although it DOES COST LESS to provide services via the internet than at brick-and-mortar schools), and the “experts” provide the educational curriculum. Furthermore, the students are accountable to the cyber school teachers, not “just” the parents. For some families, this makes it easier to entice students to do the work.

Sounds perfect, right?

Weeeellll, not so much….you see, students who cyber school are STILL PUBLIC SCHOOL STUDENTS. This means that the public school evaluates and “approves” of the curriculum before offering it to students.

Any statewide testing required by the Department of Education? Then your student must take the same tests that the brick-and-mortar students take, WHEN they take it, and WHERE they take it.

Because you and your child are accountable to the teacher through the cyber school, that teacher determines the degree of “learning” that happens. And this teacher issues deadlines and THEIR structure.

This doesn’t bother some families, as they LIKE having the external structure imposed on the family.

But this also means that your child MUST demonstrate mastery of topics before being allowed to progress. Sometimes the level of busy work is worse than in schools.

And YOU, as the parent, have little, or no, flexibility to change the topic, slow down, speed up, or discard information that you don’t think is as interesting/important/relevant as something else.

It is VERY hard for students to find time to pursue their own interests if those interests are not part of the “normal” curriculum.

MOST IMPORTANTLY from a “real life perspective:” cyber schools (in PA at least) have MUCH higher standards for their students than other students. The amount of work (useless and otherwise) is VERY high, and the parents are required for much of that time.

If you have only one child, it may not be a big deal. But to spend 4 hours with each child individually REALLY drains most homeschooling parents, and I see them burn out.

The really terrible part of this is that parents then are under the illusion that they “can’t” homeschool, they’ve tried and it just doesn’t work for them….

But the reality is that they never REALLY tried homeschooing and all of its flexibilities!

“True” homeschooling has much more prep time – the parent has to search for curriculum, purchase it, plus all the other “school” supplies.

But the payoff comes in the FREE time you end up with! YOU determine the schedule of the family, NOT the school.

To summarize: I do believe that cyber schools have their place in the world of home education. But having seen so many families burn out, and then think they aren’t ” built” for homeschooling is a BIG deficiency.

Nothing can EVER replace the family. We MUST resist attempts to break families apart.

How can we, as a community, claim to prioritize children when we are raised to believe that adults can’t wait until the children get out of their hair?

From a psychological point of view, the rates of depression and anxiety are sky rocketing – depression is at epidemic levels. And what do we do? Encourage families to fracture EVEN MORE.

The primary source of emotional stability and nourishment comes from the family (or, for believers, from God first, and the family second). How can we conceivably hope to produce resilient, strong individuals who can meet life’s demands when we remove them from the only place where they can hope to ever develop the fortitude required?

Families aren’t perfect – not by far. But schools CAN NEVER replace them. Despite their fallibility, the family is the source of our future.

There is NO WAY to replicate the family. Rather than tearing families apart, how about returning to structures that support good family functioning? Houses of worship are excellent examples of this sort of structure.

In addition to houses of worship, families can access information and support through therapists, books, classes, and workshops that teach parenting skills. Imagine if we put our focus on THOSE resources….the results could be astounding!

Since that won’t happen any time soon, the best option we have is to take matters into our own hands – bringing your children home, and organizing your household INCLUDE them and their needs, rather than how to organize your life AROUND them until they can be taken off of your hands…

These parents feel “relieved” with the peace of mind that their children are tracked via GPS device on their backpacks. Read the story here.

Here’s an important piece of information: FEELINGS don’t always lead to making good decisions!

Do you FEEL overwhelmed at the work involved in bringing your children home? Yes, it is a lifestyle change, and will need significant alterations in how you do things. It may take quite a bit of effort and planning to make it happen.

Is there ANYTHING in the world that is MORE worthwhile?

Don’t be misled by feeling “relieved” that someone out there is taking care of the situation. We can’t depend on that – you can’t know the intentions and biases of people “in charge.”

They may NOT have your child’s best interests at heart. They might have “logical” reasons for you to give up your liberties and freedoms. Or maybe not…

It is ALWAYS hardest to do the right thing. It is ALWAYS easiest to fool ourselves into believing that someone out there cares just as much as WE do about our children.

Whom do YOU want to be the primary influence in your children's lives?

The following comments may touch a nerve with you if you are still in the mindset of “having” – or even “wanting” – to send your children to school.

This may seem controversial. But PLEASE consider the impact of the strong societal peer pressure to undermine the influence of families….

I think most people who consider homeschooling feel vastly unprepared for the lifestyle change that comes along with the whole package.

And make no mistake about it – home education IS a lifestyle.

When you first start having children and you dream about your family’s futures, you probably thought to yourself, “Well, when s/he starts going to school in five years…”

The moment children are born, we are conditioned to imagine what we’ll do with our lives when “they go to school.” As a mom, you may start to plan for your career to “restart,” or to even begin a new one entirely, “when they go to school.”

In our society, children put our lives on hold. We mark time, and what we do with it, by the moment we can shuffle them off to someone else who will not only “watch” them, but take prime responsibility for filling their brains with foundational information.

And then parents think, “Whew, now I have all this time to myself,” while someone else takes the lead in the mysterious process we call “learning.”

What will we do with all of our time now that someone has taken those pesky children off of our hands?

Can you see the problem with this type of thinking? It removes parental influence and tears families apart.

Just imagine how different it would be if, instead of planning for when we won’t have our children in the house for most of the day any more, the moment they are born we start thinking of how they will integrate into the family life for the next 18 years. We ask ourselves, “How can we fold this child into our lives and into the functioning of the family? How can we best meet the dynamic needs of this child so that they can lead an independent adult life?”

The difference in planning for an entire lifetime with our children around us and the family working as a unit, versus planning only for the next five years and then focusing back on ourselves marks the difference between stability and instability.

More to come…..

It is a big change, but it's WORTH it!

I really think many people WANT to homeschool, but feel very intimidated by the huge change involved in it.

After all, you probably will deal with people who think the choice is “radical” and out of the ordinary. Family, neighbors, and friends will all pass judgment on your choice. Many of them will show outright rejection of homeschooling. And you can probably anticipate this, and wonder if you REALLY want to handle that.

You probably also have doubts about whether you can handle being around your children all day long. And if you are smart enough. And if you are organized enough.

I cannot make the decision for you, because indeed homeschooling is a HUGE deal. But the idea of it niggles in the back of your mind, I encourage you to figure out HOW to manage the lifestyle change, not resist against it because it feels too “big.”

I will be blogging in  a series about this. If you have questions along the way, put them in the comments section!

And don’t forget to sign up for the FREE report on the side bar! It will help to alleviate many of your fears and anxieties.

You don’t have to start homeschooling TOMORROW, so relax. Research. Read. Make it happen!

I’m here to help….

A BIG family homeschools 7 children…it’s a lot of planning, but always worth it.

And the parents are smart about it – they are continually assessing what is in the best interests of their children. This is the flexibility I always blog about – homeschooling is all about creating the environment that best suits the family, as well as the child.